Yea verily, the truth shall make you flee

In those days Christian Peacemaker Teams went down unto the land of Iraq and made rude noises against George Bush. For hark, they said, is it not the voice of the Lord saying go ye and protest against those who have overthrown the bloody warmongering tyrant Saddam Hussein, which for a reason that passeth all explanation was not good? Yea, they said, it must be that the Lord wishes us to do so, for this instruction seemeth to emanate from our own navels and whence else has ever come to us the Word of God? And many liberals who had long said religion has no place in politics were sore amazed and gave thanks and said this kind of religion in politics is our kind of religion in politics and verily hath much to recommend it. And whited sepulchres were not mentioned.

Then the Swords of Righteousness Brigade looked upon the mission of the CPT and became even more confused than was their habit, and when a man saith that, he saith much. These are Crusaders, declared the Pompous Nomenclature Brigades, gnashing their swords, and must be spies for they are Christian infidel dogs. And thus filled with the spirit of tolerance they seized the CPT members and threatened to kill them by beheading them on camera from the neck up, or down depending how you look at it, for the gore was their shepherd. And the CPT responded by making rude noises against George Bush. And one hostage was slain and it was somehow the fault of George Bush.

Then confusion came upon the CPT and they were sore afraid and muttered among themselves, saying verily one of our brothers is a homosexual person. And the virtuous oppressed strugglers for justice and holy war who have taken him captive being, even as ourselves, enemies of George Bush, will surely whack off his head if not other bits should news of this wondrous matter somehow reach their enlightened selves whilst they struggle mightily against American injustice.

Yea, said others, and how about that magazine story on the Internet wherein our brother declares that he is gay which could be a clue that he is homosexual if these jihadis are also McWorldly. We are compelled to witness for what we believe and fear not. So let us go unto the magazine and say in the interest of truth would you mind removing that story. And the magazine did, and was delighted to be a voice silent in the wilderness. And no one went about citing Bible verses about not putting candles under bushels or salt losing its savour or any of that rot.

As it is written, or at least read, ye shall speak truth to power in the form of rude noises against George Bush. But behold, when men wield power with not so much scrupulousness about injustice as among the wicked Bushites then maybe just clam up big-time about the truth lest willingness to risk martyrdom should lead to it. For a man should stand up for what he believes in even if it gets him thrown to the lions or stoned to death or nailed to a stick or some such fate but whoa nelly not us bud. Go then and angrily demand gay rights in America where there is sore oppression and much rending of garments before gay pride parades but trouble not the land of Iraq with such stuff. For know ye that in that place as here there is safety and applause in making rude noises against George Bush and of such courage ye shall have no deficit.

Then like a great wind there came soldiers into Babylon (some said out of it) and rescued those hostages that their captors had not already murdered and spirited them away to lands of imperialist oppression and injustice where it was safe to admit that you were a homosexual person. So the CPT gave thanks that the Lord and Iraqis and social workers had delivered them from among those whose cause was just. And the public waxed wroth and a cry went forth saying this is great foolishness and what about the soldiers are you a bunch of daft ingrates or what, and the CPT said oh yeah them, but said it grudgingly.

For being Christians they loved their enemies if they were the sort who would kidnap you for money and slay you horribly if they suspected you were of a sexual orientation that was oriented toward your own sex. But the CPT hated their enemies if they were the sort who would rescue them from homophobic death and bring them to the realms of darkness where you could be a gay Catholic activist and not get abducted or slaughtered or thereabouts. Where you can proclaim yourself part of the Catholic church though not the one that listens to that silly old Pope on human sexuality but a different one where Karl Marx writes the economics. And when it is muttered that you seem to be Protestants without knowing it and are as sorely confused on theology as strategic doctrine you can heed it not and the press will gush mightily over you and not ask awkward questions.

And the CPT saw that it was good. Or at least that they were. Not like that awful Bush who had caused all the trouble in Iraq anyway. So they spake of homophobia and gay-bashing in the world but said not where it was a problem lest it should create misunderstanding about good and evil.

Verily the truth shall make you free. Well, that and JTF2.

[First published in the Ottawa Citizen]

ColumnsJohn Robson