"I’m suitably impressed."

From my file of hidden insults, from a friend’s neighbour
 

"This contract is so one-sided that I was surprised to see it written on both sides of the paper.”

"An infamous 19th-century comment attributed to Lord Patrick Evershed" quoted in National Post November 13, 1998 p. A9.

"They trod noiselessly upon a stair carpet that its own loom would have forsworn. It seemed to have become vegetable; to have degenerated in that rank, sunless air to lush lichen or spreading moss that grew in patches to the stair-case and was viscid under the foot like organic matter."

O. Henry in “The Furnished Room”

"What’s the point of being a hedonist if you’re not having a good time?"

Lily Tomlin, Search for Signs of Intelligent Life, quoted in The New Republic Oct. 7, 1991

"He has summer teeth... you know, some are yellow, some are brown, some are missing"

The announcer on a WWE program on TV (I swear it came on while I was on the phone and I heard this before I could grab the remote and change the channel; I have no idea what date except WWE was still WWF then... but you have to admit it's funny)

"This study is an attempt to tell them that, not only is the Emperor naked, but his body is hardly a thing of beauty."

William Stanbury in Fraser Forum August 1998 [the actual topic was CanCon regulations, but the statement is apt surprisingly often]

"a strange creature, hard to swallow and impossible to digest."

Detective Nero Wolfe re one of the people involved in a case, in Rex Stout The Golden Spiders

"If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him."

Yogi Berra, quoted in Gilbert! magazine Vol. 4 # 4 (Jan./Feb. 2001)