"A penny saved is a little piece of copper that stays in your pocket for 10 hours."

From a list of maxims in Globe and Mail Nov. 29, 2001 sent by Nicola Gilman’s Grade 3 class at Calgary Montessori School

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."

E-mailed by Lorne Gunter; I do not know if it is original with him

“The Epigrammatist: 'Mankind perishes. The world goes dark./ He racks his brains for a tart remark.'"

The last in a series of "Epigrams" in Chronicles magazine November 1988

"I’m suitably impressed."

From my file of hidden insults, from a friend’s neighbour
 

"This contract is so one-sided that I was surprised to see it written on both sides of the paper.”

"An infamous 19th-century comment attributed to Lord Patrick Evershed" quoted in National Post November 13, 1998 p. A9.

"They trod noiselessly upon a stair carpet that its own loom would have forsworn. It seemed to have become vegetable; to have degenerated in that rank, sunless air to lush lichen or spreading moss that grew in patches to the stair-case and was viscid under the foot like organic matter."

O. Henry in “The Furnished Room”

"What’s the point of being a hedonist if you’re not having a good time?"

Lily Tomlin, Search for Signs of Intelligent Life, quoted in The New Republic Oct. 7, 1991

"He has summer teeth... you know, some are yellow, some are brown, some are missing"

The announcer on a WWE program on TV (I swear it came on while I was on the phone and I heard this before I could grab the remote and change the channel; I have no idea what date except WWE was still WWF then... but you have to admit it's funny)