"Hagar: 'Never judge another man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes!' Lucky Eddie: 'But before you do, make sure he doesn’t have athlete’s foot!'"

Hagar the Horrible in Ottawa Citizen March 23, 2004

"A penny saved is a little piece of copper that stays in your pocket for 10 hours."

From a list of maxims in Globe and Mail Nov. 29, 2001 sent by Nicola Gilman’s Grade 3 class at Calgary Montessori School

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."

E-mailed by Lorne Gunter; I do not know if it is original with him

“The Epigrammatist: 'Mankind perishes. The world goes dark./ He racks his brains for a tart remark.'"

The last in a series of "Epigrams" in Chronicles magazine November 1988

"I’m suitably impressed."

From my file of hidden insults, from a friend’s neighbour
 

"This contract is so one-sided that I was surprised to see it written on both sides of the paper.”

"An infamous 19th-century comment attributed to Lord Patrick Evershed" quoted in National Post November 13, 1998 p. A9.

"They trod noiselessly upon a stair carpet that its own loom would have forsworn. It seemed to have become vegetable; to have degenerated in that rank, sunless air to lush lichen or spreading moss that grew in patches to the stair-case and was viscid under the foot like organic matter."

O. Henry in “The Furnished Room”

"What’s the point of being a hedonist if you’re not having a good time?"

Lily Tomlin, Search for Signs of Intelligent Life, quoted in The New Republic Oct. 7, 1991