“Our coffee is every bit as fresh and delicious as anything else we sell.”
An ad I saw years ago that could be taken two very different ways.
“An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.”
Anonymous, quoted as ”Thought du jour” in Globe & Mail March 28, 2000
“’Oh, yeah, when I retire from this job I plan on passing the torch, all right. Flaming end first.’”
A harried, sweating office worker in the cartoon Real Life Adventures in Ottawa Sun August 11, 2004
“You’re gonna miss the bus! Rise and shine, chia head!”/ “The wise crack of dawn.”
Two characters in the comic strip Grand Avenue in Ottawa Citizen April 7, 2003
“I’m the guy who goes out in a rowboat after Moby Dick and brings along the tartar sauce.”
J.C. Watts of the Ottawa Rough Riders before the 1981 Grey Cup, quoted in Ottawa Citizen Dec. 20, 1998
“A cannibal is someone who gets fed up with people.”
#9 in “Gilbert’s Top 10 More Bad Puns” in Gilbert! magazine Vol. 6 #7 (June 2003)
“Remember: blue side up.”
Some “earthy words of wisdom” from a group of amateur pilots quoted by Michael Leo Donovan in Reader’s Digest Canadian Edition September 2005.
“Please leave your values at the front desk.”
A sign in a Paris hotel elevator, part of a collection of accidental mistranslations into English, quoted by Frances Farrell in Gilbert! magazine Vol. 5 # 3 (Dec. 2001)