“‘What is it that I don’t know?’ Sir Humphrey feigned ignorance. ‘Minister,’ he said, ‘I don’t know what you don’t know. It could be almost anything.’”
A Jim Hacker diary entry in Yes Minister Vol. I
“How do you do, Miss West?"
Mae West: "How do you do what?”
Harmik Vaishnav, Dictionary of Humorous Quotations
“I don’t know what to say.”
James Rockford in “The Rockford Files”, on being presented over his protests with a cheque for his work from some fabulously rich woman only to find it’s for $125 (the episode aired A&E Nov. 11, 1995) (another example of fake praise from my “He’s an extraordinary man” files)
“Suggested charge: Existing while stupid”
Headline on MSNBC Weird news December 30, 2010 [the story was about two idiots shooting out streetlights with rifles at a shopping centre around 5:00 a.m. because they didn’t think anyone would be around]
“When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.”
George Bernard Shaw in Back to Methuselah, quoted on www.goodreads.com
“How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you’re doing it?”
Dennis the Menace, quoted in NCC Overview Winter 2002
“I can honestly say my respect for you has never been higher.”
Dogbert (to Dilbert, scornfully) in Dilbert in Ottawa Sun July 19, 1996
“Start every day with a smile and get it over with.”
W.C. Fields, quoted in the features on a DVD of six classic W.C. Fields shorts I acquired years ago