“The Grate One”

Terry O’Neill in British Columbia Report July 30, 2001 [not referring to Wayne Gretzky, just adapting his nickname to insult any annoying person]

“IF YOUR MIND GOES BLANK, DON’T FORGET TO TURN OFF THE SOUND!”

“Sign Language: Seen on church billboards from coast to coast” submitted by Monica Popp, Edmonton in Reader’s Digest Canadian Edition May 2005

“A very large low-watt bulb”

A friend at a conference describing an overbearing attendee I had characterized as a “dreadnought”.

“I am not certain that brevity is the soul of wit, but brevity is an excellent substitute for wit.”

G.K. Chesterton in New York Times April 10, 1921, quoted in Gilbert! magazine vol. 5 # 3 (Dec. 2001)

“Bad memory image of FAT detected”

A computer message I received in late 1993 from an improperly installed CD-ROM program, which then crashed (it’s funny because it’s certainly true of me personally)

“Are you lost daddy I arsked tenderly. Shut up he explained.”

Ring Lardner, The Young Immigrunts quoted by George F. Will in National Post August 24, 2002

“Here at the ICA (the Institute for Confusing Acronyms)”

Here I yield shamelessly to the impulse to quote myself again, from Feb. 4 2003.

“’If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the Earth.”

“A.P. Herbert (1890-1971), English humorist and politician” quoted as “Thought du jour in “Social Studies” in Globe & Mail Oct. 10, 2011