“Quote of the Day: ‘Nothing says poor workmanship like wrinkled duct tape.’”
Red Green in Ottawa Sun October 24, 1999
“Being roughed up by a WI [UK Women’s Institute, which just did same to Tony Blair] audience is like being savaged by a hamster, mugged by an Anglican vicar, or gang-raped by the League of Women Voters.”
John O’Sullivan in National Post June 14, 2000
“‘I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.’”
“More Internet Taglines” in Gilbert magazine Vol. 5 #6 (April/May 2002)
“A consultant, we are advised, is a man who knows a hundred ways to make love and doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
Val Sears in Ottawa Sun December 16, 1998
“Isn’t it unnerving that the person investing your money is called a ‘broker’?”
Van Allen Turner of the Upstream Restaurant and Richard Cilles of the Kingston Brewing Company according to Steve Madely in Ottawa Sun March 2, 1999
“It’s just a stage you’re going through.”
Me c. August 2000 if an actor falls through a trap door or steps on a rotten board during a performance.
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
Emailed by a friend and attributed to Yogi Berra, plausibly, though it exists in various versions including "You can see a lot, just by looking" and "You can observe a lot by watchin'" and "You can observe a lot by just watching" [see for instance https://literature.stackexchange.com/questions/25697/what-is-the-source-of-the-quote-you-can-see-a-lot-just-by-looking].
“Kevin Costner, who throughout the movie [Message in a Bottle] displays the sensitivity and eloquence of a pizza deliveryman.”
John Simon in National Review March 22, 1999