“I came to the conclusion that the optimist thought everything good except the pessimist, and that the pessimist thought everything bad, except himself."
G. K. Chesterton, quoted on Thinkexist.com
Employee: “Sorry about missing that meeting, sir. You must think I’m a complete idiot.”
Boss: “No, of course I don’t. You’re much too lazy to complete anything.”
"Real Life Adventures" cartoon in Montreal Gazette July 9, 2002
Neddie Seagoon: "Any revenues from it, I'll split in two and keep both."
Dennis Bloodnok: “Well, one doesn’t get an offer like that every day.”
The Goon Show "The Great Regent's Park Swim"
Jim Hacker: “Was I good?” (about a TV interview) Sir Humphrey Appleby: “A most remarkable performance.”
Yes Minister, “Big Brother” episode
“‘What is it that I don’t know?’ Sir Humphrey feigned ignorance. ‘Minister,’ he said, ‘I don’t know what you don’t know. It could be almost anything.’”
A Jim Hacker diary entry in Yes Minister Vol. I
“How do you do, Miss West?"
Mae West: "How do you do what?”
Harmik Vaishnav, Dictionary of Humorous Quotations
“I don’t know what to say.”
James Rockford in “The Rockford Files”, on being presented over his protests with a cheque for his work from some fabulously rich woman only to find it’s for $125 (the episode aired A&E Nov. 11, 1995) (another example of fake praise from my “He’s an extraordinary man” files)
“Suggested charge: Existing while stupid”
Headline on MSNBC Weird news December 30, 2010 [the story was about two idiots shooting out streetlights with rifles at a shopping centre around 5:00 a.m. because they didn’t think anyone would be around]