“the fastest execution since someone said, ‘This Guy Fawkes bloke, do we let him off, or what?’”

Edmund Blackadder in Black Adder Goes Forth, quoted in blackadderquotes.com/blackadder-series-4-episode-3-major-star-full-script

“A ceñoso is something too low to kick and too wet to step on.”

A character on the TV show Hunter March 21, 1991.

“Now there’s a guy who lost the human race.”

My own thought April 2 2004 on abject failure (not any specific instance of it, just the general concept)

Someone’s eagle “really took the wind out of [another player’s] hands.”

Announcer on TBS Jan. 16, 1994, reminiscing about the Hawaiian Open 10 years earlier

“Not his finest moment… at least I hope not.”

A friend regarding someone's hapless performance some years ago

“Misfortune is a point of view. Your headache may feel good to an aspirin salesman.”

Tony Robbins Unlimited Power

“He consistently achieves the standards he sets for himself.”

Another double-meaning letter-of-recommendation line floating around on the Internet - I don't know the origin.

“To prevent a red herring from being pulled across the trail...”

Paul Craig Roberts Alienation and the Soviet Economy: The Collapse of the Socialist Era