“The were-Scot appears to be a normal human being, but under the influence of a full wallet sprouts red hair, a kilt and a thick brogue and roams the land in quest of haggis.”
I hope it's funny because it's one of mine, from July 14, 2002.
“Presumably an Appalachian pin-up would be a moonshine girl.”
One of mine from January 5, 2000 – I don’t know if certain newspapers still have “Sunshine girls” but they did then.
“Look, I love [his] work. But have you seen the man trying to communicate without a script? He’s about as articulate as a bag of potato chips. Warren Beatty couldn’t win a debate with a mime.”
Richard Roper in the Chicago Sun-Times regarding a potential Beatty presidential run quoted in Globe & Mail September 7, 1999
“As the historian Forrest McDonald pointed out, Filmer never persuaded anyone by eloquence or logic, since he possessed neither.”
Richard Brookheiser in National Review February 22, 1999 [Filmer being the 17th-century English Tory essayist Robert Filmer, the target of John Locke’s now mostly unread First Treatise of Government, which is now mostly unread in significant measure because it demolished Filmer so completely that nobody now remembers him]
“I could go on and on.” “We know.”
Me on March 14 2015 at an event where a speaker used the first phrase and it was only with great difficulty that I restrained myself from shouting out the second.
“Economists’ work is often criticized as being ‘useful as a chocolate teapot,’ The Economist magazine wrote.”
Ottawa Citizen October 25, 1997 (though it has occurred to me since that (a) you could eat a chocolate teapot and (b) what’s really wrong with economists’ work isn’t that it’s not useful, it’s that people don’t want to hear about it... but it’s still a lovely metaphor).
In my latest Loonie Politics column I welcome the youth of tomorrow’s future back to the dismal reality of today’s schooling with an assignment to write an essay on what they’d really do if they were in charge, and why it would be so different from what they promised and expected to do.
“A radioactive isotope of tedium.”
Another of my own, from February 2, 2004, on reading an exceptionally dull column.