“And if any other document is henceforth produced which was made heretofore and which in any kind of way seems to gainsay what is here established, that document shall be cast to mice to gnaw or into the fire to be burned, and he who produces it, whatever his rank, shall be regarded as the sweepings of ashes and confounded with the most ignominious shame and with one accord shunned by all the men who are nearby.”

King Canute, to the monks of Canterbury as part of “The Endowment of a Monastery, 1023” in William L. Sachse English History in the Making

“I came to the conclusion that the optimist thought everything good except the pessimist, and that the pessimist thought everything bad, except himself."

G. K. Chesterton, quoted on Thinkexist.com

Employee: “Sorry about missing that meeting, sir. You must think I’m a complete idiot.”

Boss: “No, of course I don’t. You’re much too lazy to complete anything.”

"Real Life Adventures" cartoon in Montreal Gazette July 9, 2002

Neddie Seagoon: "Any revenues from it, I'll split in two and keep both."

Dennis Bloodnok: “Well, one doesn’t get an offer like that every day.”

The Goon Show "The Great Regent's Park Swim"

Jim Hacker: “Was I good?” (about a TV interview) Sir Humphrey Appleby: “A most remarkable performance.”

Yes Minister, “Big Brother” episode

“‘What is it that I don’t know?’ Sir Humphrey feigned ignorance. ‘Minister,’ he said, ‘I don’t know what you don’t know. It could be almost anything.’”

A Jim Hacker diary entry in Yes Minister Vol. I

“How do you do, Miss West?"

Mae West: "How do you do what?”

Harmik Vaishnav, Dictionary of Humorous Quotations

“I don’t know what to say.”

James Rockford in “The Rockford Files”, on being presented over his protests with a cheque for his work from some fabulously rich woman only to find it’s for $125 (the episode aired A&E Nov. 11, 1995) (another example of fake praise from my “He’s an extraordinary man” files)