“When fortune empties her chamberpot on your head, smile – and say ‘we are going to have a summer shower.’”
Sir John A. Macdonald, quoted by Dave Ryan in The Western Standard May 3, 2004
“I shall waste no time reading your book.”
I do not recall the source of this marvellous veiled insult but alas I did not invent it.
“I highly recommend the white wine… because it won’t stain as bad if I spill it on you…”
“Your resume says you have experience serving wine.”
“Did I mention it was a bad experience?”
Two characters in "Tina’s Groove" comic strip in Ottawa Citizen January 14, 2004
“And if any other document is henceforth produced which was made heretofore and which in any kind of way seems to gainsay what is here established, that document shall be cast to mice to gnaw or into the fire to be burned, and he who produces it, whatever his rank, shall be regarded as the sweepings of ashes and confounded with the most ignominious shame and with one accord shunned by all the men who are nearby.”
King Canute, to the monks of Canterbury as part of “The Endowment of a Monastery, 1023” in William L. Sachse English History in the Making
“I came to the conclusion that the optimist thought everything good except the pessimist, and that the pessimist thought everything bad, except himself."
G. K. Chesterton, quoted on Thinkexist.com
Employee: “Sorry about missing that meeting, sir. You must think I’m a complete idiot.”
Boss: “No, of course I don’t. You’re much too lazy to complete anything.”
"Real Life Adventures" cartoon in Montreal Gazette July 9, 2002
Neddie Seagoon: "Any revenues from it, I'll split in two and keep both."
Dennis Bloodnok: “Well, one doesn’t get an offer like that every day.”
The Goon Show "The Great Regent's Park Swim"
Jim Hacker: “Was I good?” (about a TV interview) Sir Humphrey Appleby: “A most remarkable performance.”
Yes Minister, “Big Brother” episode