“‘I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.’”
“More Internet Taglines” in Gilbert magazine Vol. 5 #6 (April/May 2002)
“A consultant, we are advised, is a man who knows a hundred ways to make love and doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
Val Sears in Ottawa Sun December 16, 1998
“Isn’t it unnerving that the person investing your money is called a ‘broker’?”
Van Allen Turner of the Upstream Restaurant and Richard Cilles of the Kingston Brewing Company according to Steve Madely in Ottawa Sun March 2, 1999
“It’s just a stage you’re going through.”
Me c. August 2000 if an actor falls through a trap door or steps on a rotten board during a performance.
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
Emailed by a friend and attributed to Yogi Berra, plausibly, though it exists in various versions including "You can see a lot, just by looking" and "You can observe a lot by watchin'" and "You can observe a lot by just watching" [see for instance https://literature.stackexchange.com/questions/25697/what-is-the-source-of-the-quote-you-can-see-a-lot-just-by-looking].
“Kevin Costner, who throughout the movie [Message in a Bottle] displays the sensitivity and eloquence of a pizza deliveryman.”
John Simon in National Review March 22, 1999
“Most famously, there is the telegram from Gilbert, who was off on a lecture tour, to Frances in Beaconsfield: ‘Am in Market Harborough. Where should I be?’ Frances wired back her unforgettable one-word answer: ‘HOME!’ It was easier, as she later explained, to get him back and then start him off again.”
An item whose author I did not record in Gilbert! magazine Vol. 4 #3 (Dec. 2000)
“I did but prompt the age to quit their cloggs/ By the known rules of antient libertie,/ When strait a barbarous noise environs me/ Of Owles and Cuckoos, Asses, Apes and Doggs.”
John Milton On the Detraction Which Follow’d Upon My Writing Certain Treatises